FOREIGN + FAMILIAR - WHY YOU SHOULD OFTEN GET A LITTLE LOST

Currently, feeling blessed to be back in South East London - which still feels like home. I’ve realised that despite how big London is, I have successfully managed to shrink it right down to just two suburbs in one borough, that is Lewisham; Catford and Forest Hill. While in those two suburbs I find myself on a self-inflicted groundhog day; repeatedly circulating through a compact map of Point A to Point D; cinema cafe for my coffee hit, Lidl or Turkish shop for my groceries, Portuguese cafe for my veggie lasagne and Ninth Life pub for a drink.

While in Forest Hill my map is even smaller with just Point A to Point B -the Olive shop (for all things olives as the name suggests) and Canvas + Cream for coffee..

For a long time this reality has served me as I know that I do not want an impersonal, oversized, globalised, synthesised lifestyle. I do not want overwhelming supermarkets isle choices and BIGGER, BETTER Vibes at all and that I prefer local and small, as Small is All, like Adrienne Marie Brown beautifully talks about..

In Egypt I’m living in a small town on the South Sinai coast; my world in Dahab is also small, by that I definitely mean the size of the town. So I cycle everywhere, including to the farthest end of town; the lagoon, even on a wild and windy day - which adds an extra 10 minutes to the commute- forcing me to sweat (just a little;)) while fighting against the wind. So from one end of town to the other I can cycle in 15 minutes, 25 on a windy day. Everything has become local, granular and familiar- the faces, the food, the music, the responses, the club nights, the dogs, the cats, even the camels become familiar and known to me.

Something in me likes that, something in me adores the feeling of familiarity and the fact that a lot of peoples faces, families, friends and situations are known to me. Maybe it makes me feel more comfortable, or even safe, not quite sure exactly but I know when I’m away from Dahab too long, I miss ALL of it.

I miss the small-ness of it all; well the town vibe is small, while nature is vast, open and expansive, on all levels. I guess I seek and re-create this feeling whenever I’m back in London, choosing to stay mainly within the confines of my mini map, because it serves me well; until it doesn’t…

There’s another part of me that also loooves nothing more than getting out of my comfort zone, seeking and creating change as well as diving deep into the unknown; zooming right out or going BIG.

I do this in a couple of ways in London by taking myself to the nearest woods and getting myself completely lost in the liquid layers of green and dappled sunlight; a deep joy that I always felt was weird until a few friends have recently shared that they also do the same.

Wandering around the woods satisfies quite a few needs- it’s fresh green air clears my head, forces me to be mindful of surroundings as there a lot of creepy crawlies that want to get to know my skin and of course reconnects me to the magic and mysteries of life!

So, on a much deeper level, it allows me to explore the unknown - the foreign, to engage all of my senses which is required when traversing new terrain as opposed to covering ground on a map I’m already familiar with.

Most fears that come about when roaming the woods are often projections from the depths of my psyche that are only asking to be seen. I know this to be true as through lockdown, I spent countless hours in the woods, only to discover it was both foreign ,familiar and full of freedom. What I found ultimately was that the woods symbolises not just what’s unknown - as that’s relative- but what’s unknown to me i.e. The Unconscious Mind.

The other way I get out of my comfort zone is to ride those BIG red buses to get way off the map that I’m familiar with, which is absolute bliss! 16 years in London I must admit I have to keep going further and further North to get lost as it’s all become very familiar and there aren’t many bus routes left that I’m not familiar with. Mill Hill here I come!?!

So what is this urge I have to travel off my safe comfy little map to get lost and dive deep into the unknown?

Is it just distraction?

Am I killing time?

Am I just built this way, to want to keep pushing the boundaries of my own map?

Or am I just in love with the Unknown?

Am I the Wanderer?

Like the Native American Wintu people call them, when someone wants to deliberately get lost and goes into unknown territory without many resources to purposefully find themselves on a deeper soul level.

For me, I think it’s a combination of all of those things, as yes, I am a bit of a wanderer. This started when I was 13, leaving the flat with my brother and dad at each others throats, I’d go for hours at a time roaming the streets, finding unknown new parks and hilly views that I could catch the last glimpse of a pinky- purple swirly-sunset. The Unknown was often safer to me than what was known, waiting for me at home.

Pushing past my small mental map of childhood comfort was initially tough and not something I actively wanted, but in time I adapted and now I seek it, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Too many people have their comfort zones of safety that they NEVER step out of, a permanent rotation of point A to point B with maybe C and D in between for a bit of variety. Not many people dive into the unknown or foreign areas of this town where you can literally feel like you’ve stepped into another country. Where a whole neighbourhood of people speak Bengali like in White Chapel, Arabic in Edgeware Road, Brazilian Portuguese in Kensal Rise, or proper patois like In Lewisham!

I mean I get it, as I have my Points A to Point B, with C and D as variety in between, because comfort is safety, comfort is homely, comfort is known. But I bounce regularly back into the Unknown because I need it, I love the change of scenery, I’m not afraid to get lost and the Unknown is something I gaze at from the edges of my comfort zone and step into fully and fiercely as I know that it’s always there where I stretch and grow and change. As Octavia Butler profoundly put it;

So go down to the woods today, or please throw out your ‘safe’ mental map, jump on a bus you’ve never been on to get a little lost and enjoy the ride!

Life is always more toasty and tasty when you return, with fresh eyes balanced between the foreign and the familiar.

Remember The Only Lasting Truth is Change. God is Change..

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